S.o.t.S. Entry #3

A black and white photograph of an individual lying on a mostly bare bed. The mattress itself is covered in a single white sheet; the person's face is obscured but their limbs are visible. They are laying as if in distress; head buried between arms, hands crossed one over the other, and possibly nude.
Photo by David Cohen via Unsplash

I hate you.

I can’t believe you’d do this. No matter what went on between us, I thought that you were different. Regardless of the way we left things…

Who the fuck do you think you are?

To walk into my life–my stressful, crowded, busy life–who are you to come into my sad little world and give me hope?

I believed you… I hate to admit this, but I actually fucking believed you.

Everything was going just fine without you. Everything was going smoothly until you turned my life upside-down.

Does she know that you used to call me that name?

Does she know that I used to be the fire that drove you wild…

Does she know that you and I broke up a day after you and her got together?

Does she know that the reason you don’t want any children is because you’re a sick fuck who gets jealous around kids?

“You give her so much attention, spend time with me.”

Fuck. You.

I fucking hate you.

I hope this one wises up like I did. I hope you learn how badly you need help.

I…

I had hoped that you would wait before jumping into another woman’s arms… Like I’ve waited.

“Let’s just take a break for now, and see what happens down the road, okay?”

Your words

mean

nothing.

You’re nothing to me anymore. I can’t believe I cried over you. I can’t believe I believed you.

They’re not real.

They’re not real.

They’re not real.

They’re not real.

They’re not real.

They’re not real.

They’re not real.

THEY’RE NOT REAL.

They’re not…

Please leave.

You promised.

Please.

Go back to your cult of lies.

Please.

I hate you.

Please.

Please…

Yesterday… That song

I cried.

I actually fucking cried.

But I guess she’s your pet now, right?

I wish I hated you enough to do what I’ve been too afraid to do.

But I don’t hate you.

I love you…

And the knowledge that I still love someone who’s moved on

is

k i l l i n g m e…

If only.

From the diary of

Tiamat

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